work – Max Titov

I come from a family of talkers. We all have opinions and we’re not afraid to share our thoughts. Just like a family of fishermen we’re always looking for an opportunity to catch someone in our web of ideas.

In my early years; not surprisingly; I’ve learned how to share my viewpoints well. Unfortunately, thinking back, I can’t say that I remember listening. I do recall, from time to time, someone making a reference to my inability to get the point: “a delusional opinion by someone who clearly didn’t understand the importance of my ideas” – might have been something that crossed my mind. I remember feeling offended and using that moment as an opportunity to argue harder.

In the wild-wild west of opinion slinging cowboys there are many ways to be the top dog:

You can be loud
You can be witty
You can be logical
You can be spiteful

No matter what path you choose you will likely be submitted by someone stronger or find yourself dominating a weaker opponent. People are hurt, relationships crumble, connections are broken.

I personally believe that in all that madness we miss the opportunity to connect: we miss the point of living.

To connect, we need to listen, and listening is often difficult.

As an example: recently I was told a story.

A tale of hurt, resentment, shame, anger, frustration, and betrayal. The speaker was lively, expressive and emotional. As the story progressed and I became more engrossed in the tale I experienced other emotions:

Hurt, anger, frustration, annoyance, agitation: in other words, my internal system was gearing up for a fight.

To make a long story short I’ve handled the situation well. I kept my emotions to myself, I paid attention, acknowledged the story teller and the importance of their tale, didn’t judge and only when asked for advice offered my opinion [emphasizing my lack of expertise in the matter and my intent to be supportive] – [I’ve also done so by expressing my own personal sensations of discomfort that I’ve listed above]. But this is NOT the point.

THE point is: I was experiencing trauma while another individual was telling me a sensitive story. In my moment of weakness, my default reaction could have been to terminate the conversation – I was tempted. I felt uncomfortable and I wanted the speaker to stop.

In these critical moments, we often find ourselves internalizing the incoming information and treating it as a problem; a problem that must be resolved through a quick and decisive action usually offered through a comment that is far from helpful.

We FAIL to listen.

Dear reader,

I would like to end this reflection with a few suggestions.

For the men who struggle with feelings and emotions consider that you’re missing out on a rare opportunity to connection with others. Consider that your relationships are limited by your ability to take on a difficult action of listening. The same applies to females but especially men.

For the women who often share their thoughts/feelings with others; those that are able/there to listen: consider that if you’re talking to a man then it is likely that he is struggling and is not able to help although wants to. Help him help you.

WORK TOGETHER, connect!

What my friends and I call the holy grail of flash photography is actually known as High Speed Synch [HSS]. It’s a technique used to take pictures under very fast shutter speed. I won’t bother you with the technical details; there are plenty of great tutorials on-line that will explain all the innuendos. I’ll just say that this has been something that I wanted to do for a very long time [3+ years] and it took a while to get all the little pieces in place [mostly related to me acquiring the right equipment].

Over time my collection of gadgets grew. Earlier this year I’ve acquired the right set of components that would make HSS a reality; but as it often happens life got busy and my attention was elsewhere.

Three weeks ago I got an idea to photograph some local talent. My plan included a football superstar, a field, a beautiful rosy horizon [sunset] and an extremely competent photographer [that would be me] = in my mind all of this would have contributed to something resembling a Sports Illustrated cover page.

While prepping for the shoot [which I often do a few days in advance] I came across a tutorial that discussed the benefits of shooting fast moving subject matter utilizing HSS flash. Suddenly I got very excited: my creative idea just turned in to something more. I had the opportunity to step outside of my comfort zone, learn a new technique and fulfill my long time photographic goal.

Eating your cake: Preparation, luck and opportunity are often not enough to achieve something great. As it often happens not everything went according to plan; the weather was not cooperating, it was a cold October evening, getting to the location took extra time and when we finally pulled up to the football field it started to rain. Yes, things were not looking great at that point but I didn’t give up; I had hope and I wasn’t about to let our spirits dwindle. So, we took our time, stayed warm, joked and waited. Before long the weather took a turn for the better, the rain stopped and we stepped on to the football field: me with my sacks of photo equipment and the superstar with his football gear [queue slow motion with epic motivational music].

The progress was slow but gradually we found our rhythm. As the shutter clicked, the flash spilled burst of continuous light on to the scene and as the superstar got more comfortable with me and the camera: magic started to happen.