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Max Titov

Superior Man Revisited

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A while back I’ve read a book but never finished it. Different sections of the book rubbed me the wrong way.  While glancing through my notes that I’ve made months ago suddenly I could see connections, suddenly the new experiences that I’ve gone through created a better framework for my ability to understand what the author tried to convey.

  • Superior Man

    As defined by the contexts of the book as someone who gives himself to the world. To put it in another way [as I understand the author]: a superior man must act based on the best quality that he has as a person.

  • Three stages of growth

    – Developing for the sake of yourself [ie: earning money for yourself]

    – Cooperating and sharing with others [ie: working with those around you for the benefit of them]

    – Gaining an understanding of self and that everything always changes. That the actions and efforts taken by you might not be received by others and despite of that a Superior Man will continue to give himself to the world as defined above

    Stage 3 in particular made me think back to the post that I’ve made very recently where I’ve explored the idea of being single.

  • Masculine & feminine characteristics

    These are terms used to define behavior of any given person where a “masculine” characteristic is attributed to that that does not change, that which stays constant while “feminine” characteristic in reverse is attributed to constant flux.

    I think this particular definition is very fitting.

  • Sexual tension/polarity

    The author makes an interesting observation that in his opinion sexual dynamics are governed by the displacement of “masculine” and “feminine” characteristics of both partners. In scenarios where both partners are balanced in their own personalities it is likely that they will share a great sense of love and understanding for one another but through that they will not be able to achieve a vast sexual energy.

    Thinking of this and relating the concept to personal experience it seems plausible that the infinitely popular concept “chemistry” can easily be viewed as the psychological balance between the two individuals. That in order to facilitate that desire and lust, each partner must chose a particular role to play in the dance of courtship.

    Having said this there’s obviously something to note about long term relationships: the importance of finding a balance within one self and becoming a stable union capable to withstand challenges over time.

    In essence it seems that having a solid understanding of sexual polarity will begin and develop a well balanced relationship.

  • Three levels of dependencies

    – A person is incomplete and is dependent on others because they are strongly associated with one or the other main personality constructs [masculine/feminine]

    – A person becomes whole & independent

    – The individual becomes aware of something bigger, something eternal: be that god, destiny, universe, etc… The person obtains a sense of awareness and that one’s actions are not done for oneself and not for others but rather for something “eternal”

    Looking back at my notes; section 3 of the dependencies didn’t make any sense to me.  I’ve made comments like “i am not a fan of this vague bs“.  But having revisited the concept now something seems to connect.  Through a set of events and experiences I’ve developed the capacity to understand things differently.  The concepts of beauty & soul have been missing in my general equation.  Looking at stage 3 now, it seems plausable that the third level of dependencies identifies recognition of one’s own purpose in life.

    A quote that i recently came across seems very fitting now: “finding your purpose is being satisfied with where you are“.

    The author claims that in order to achieve the third level one must spend a considerable amount of time in isolation contemplating the meaning of things.

    I suppose the very same can be achieved through meditation [something that I’ve yet to fully explore] but in general I believe that the statement is accurate.  Being on your own and having time to yourself does provide you with a door in to the world of self actualization.  Or at least that is what I’ve been able to experience through my en-devours.

  • Fear

    There’s a separate section dedicated solely to the idea of fear. The author discusses the challenges that arise when people make decisions out of fear instead of the desire to be true to themselves. Examples like: men being afraid of not having enough money and picking a job that they do not love; individuals marrying out of being alone or in a similar fashion having kids.  So instead of making important decisions from a clear/rational stand point some make choices and pick things that just come along.

  • Masculine Integrity

    Aligning yourself in such a way that you can take care of yourself, those who depend on you and at the same time be aware and practice the idea that nothing lasts – so in spite of change the Superior Man will continue giving and letting go

  • Making time

    Superior Man makes time to be complete in spite of obligations and responsibilities.

  • Relationships between men and women

    Masculine is to understand the feminine/change and accept it.  “Do not trust mind/body, things will come and go but the sense of purpose will remain the same“.  The author makes a beautiful reference: “listen to your partner as though she was the wind or a symphony, draw insight but do not jump to conclusions that you must act“.

Having gone through my notes one thing is evident.  My views have changed and I think I am able to get a better appreciation of the book now then i did before.

Max

 

Max Titov

Empathy is NOT the default setting

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While going through the works of @BreneBrown I was introduced to the idea that empathizing with another person is not the default reaction that most of us have.

This topic is particularly important to me because I’ve been struggling with the definition, understanding and application of empathy in my daily life.  At one point or another I realized and accepted that I didn’t have a natural sense for empathy – I suppose you could say that I never took the time to learn as I was growing up.

In North American culture a typical male is defined by characteristics of a person who struggles with listening, understanding and relating to others; it is common for males to try and solve a problem at hand [in essence killing the conversation and avoiding any type of vulnerability]. It’s a standard defense mechanism.

I was no exception.  That’s how I was raised and that’s how I understood the world.  Great men before me did this and great men after me will do the same.

I don’t know how or when this came to be the case but I’ve always thought a True Man out to embody the following:

  • Strength
  • Control
  • The ability to take on everything that the world threw at you and keep moving forward: quietly, silently, determined, like some kind of a mechanical being

A True Man must not show qualities that are in essence equivalent to those that are found in our female counterparts.  I strongly believe this is the root cause of this whole mess.

Being vulnerable, being open, being connected with others is understood as a weakness.  We cling together, we find comfort in our organized inability to feel or understand and we lash out – we lash out in most terrible ways possible – we lash out because we can’t help it and we don’t know why.  It’s a terrible cycle.

Here’s what gets me.

If we collectively stop for a second and realize that empathy is not the default reaction; that it’s a skill that requires practice, patience and diligence to master; then suddenly I think we will realize that we are going about this all wrong.

What I often hear is “men don’t listen”; that’s right; it’s a shaming response to a particular behavior.  And what do you think happens when men hear this?  Men retreat further in to our default personalities.

Additionally I believe that the concept that men want to be understood is grossly undervalued.  It’s not a one direction highway.

Any human shares a great desire to be understood and accepted for who they are.  It doesn’t matter if you’re a man or a woman.

Taking this as a starting point it only seems natural that the work must come from both ends; both men and women must play an active role in improving our culture. Both genders must accept each other and unshackle themselves from our social bindings.

If we don’t we are destined to remain in the dark.

 

I have hope.

I have hope my dear reader.

I have hope that things are changing, that we’re growing, that we as a human species are slowly getting better at understanding each other.  We’re not there yet but we’re making progress.

I hope, I am right.

 

Till next time,

Max