Max Titov

Interested

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Our world is a social ecosystem.  The human race is not meant to live in solitude.  We require interaction, connection and we do better in social environments.  I will admit that socializing is not a trivial quality and many of us struggle and find the associated experiences frustrating and unpleasant.

However, no matter who you are or where you come from silence is likely the larger of two evils. Most of us need connection and companionship.

 

Having spent a lot of time on my own, being a socially awkward individual and after gaining a deeper appreciation for social interaction, I have a simple opinion.

People are interesting. And some, I consider to be more interesting than others.

Recently, during a friendly discussion I was asked a question: “what is interesting to you Max?”

The answer [as I often find] was not straight forward and took some time to discover.

Assumptions

  • Interests/Ideas/Opinions: everyone has them and are identified by what they feel and how they see the world
  • Being open and vulnerable: not everyone is comfortable in sharing their thoughts, furthermore, not everyone has the appropriate skill set to express their thoughts freely.  Often times we face internal barriers that limit us
  • A multi-layer individual is a person who I consider to be comfortable in expressing their thoughts on various topics in an open manner
  • A single-layered individual is a person who is limited in their abilities and focus on smaller sub-set of topics

Taking the above assumptions into consideration I hope you see how I’ve concluded that People are interesting.  And some, I consider to be more interesting than others.
Although all humans are fascinating those that are not limited [the multi-layered individual] I consider to be more interesting.

Time is a precious commodity and making the essential choice to sit down, have a cup of coffee and discuss the finer things in life with another individual is not always justified.
At the cost of being considered an inconsiderate jerk, I often make judgements and draw conclusions about my interaction with others.

There are times when I am interested and there are times when I am not.

Max Titov

Why don’t we listen?

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I come from a family of talkers.  We all have opinions and we’re not afraid to share our thoughts.  Just like a family of fishermen we’re always looking for an opportunity to catch someone in our web of ideas.

In my early years; not surprisingly; I’ve learned how to share my viewpoints well. Unfortunately, thinking back, I can’t say that I remember listening.  I do recall, from time to time, someone making a reference to my inability to get the point: “a delusional opinion by someone who clearly didn’t understand the importance of my ideas” – might have been something that crossed my mind.  I remember feeling offended and using that moment as an opportunity to argue harder.

In the wild-wild west of opinion slinging cowboys there are many ways to be the top dog:

  • You can be loud
  • You can be witty
  • You can be logical
  • You can be spiteful

No matter what path you choose you will likely be submitted by someone stronger or find yourself dominating a weaker opponent. People are hurt, relationships crumble, connections are broken.

I personally believe that in all that madness we miss the opportunity to connect: we miss the point of living.

 

To connect, we need to listen, and listening is often difficult.

 

As an example: recently I was told a story.

A tale of hurt, resentment, shame, anger, frustration, and betrayal.  The speaker was lively, expressive and emotional.  As the story progressed and I became more engrossed in the tale I experienced other emotions:

Hurt, anger, frustration, annoyance, agitation: in other words, my internal system was gearing up for a fight.

To make a long story short I’ve handled the situation well. I kept my emotions to myself, I paid attention, acknowledged the story teller and the importance of their tale, didn’t judge and only when asked for advice offered my opinion [emphasizing my lack of expertise in the matter and my intent to be supportive] – [I’ve also done so by expressing my own personal sensations of discomfort that I’ve listed above].  But this is NOT the point.

 

THE point is: I was experiencing trauma while another individual was telling me a sensitive story.  In my moment of weakness, my default reaction could have been to terminate the conversation – I was tempted. I felt uncomfortable and I wanted the speaker to stop.

In these critical moments, we often find ourselves internalizing the incoming information and treating it as a problem; a problem that must be resolved through a quick and decisive action usually offered through a comment that is far from helpful.

We FAIL to listen.

 

Dear reader,

I would like to end this reflection with a few suggestions.

For the men who struggle with feelings and emotions consider that you’re missing out on a rare opportunity to connection with others.  Consider that your relationships are limited by your ability to take on a difficult action of listening.  The same applies to females but especially men.

For the women who often share their thoughts/feelings with others; those that are able/there to listen: consider that if you’re talking to a man then it is likely that he is struggling and is not able to help although wants to.  Help him help you.

WORK TOGETHER, connect!

Max Titov

Systemizing vs Empathizing

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I‘ve recently read an article in Psychology Today.  The article discussed the difference between two sexes. Below are the references that I found to be most interesting.

On the male side

The male brain is characterized by systemizing tendencies (to use Baron-Cohen’s term) and mechanistic thinking (to use Crespi and Badcock’s term). “Systemizing” is the drive to analyze, explore, and construct a system.

On the female side

The female brain is characterized by empathizing tendencies (to use Baron-Cohen’s term) or mentalistic thinking (to use Crespi and Badcock’s term). “Empathizing” is the drive to identify another person’s emotions and thoughts, and to respond to them with an appropriate emotion.

It is an interesting observation which I believe to be true.  I also believe that one should allow one’s own brain to explore an alternative method of thinking.  I for one have learned much from the females in my life.  My gained insight helped me gain clarity and deeper understanding of others consequently allowing me to find peace within myself.

Max Titov

Europea Restaurant

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In the heart of Montreal I had the opportnity to partake an in amazing experience.  An experience of tastes, flavours, imagination, witt, surprises and amazing autmosphere.

If you’re in the area and are intersted having a similar wonderful time don’t forget to put Europea in to your itinerary.

Max Titov

A helping hand? First attempt at something different

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A regular North American Saturday was filled with shopping, the sunshine, coffee and comfort snacks complemented by witty conversations.  We walked down a large parking lot and noticed a man standing with a sign asking for help.  A small rag of paper outlined a brief plea for assistance.

We glanced at each other channeling familiar emotions.  She needed to help, she needed to make a difference: to be the one person in the area who acknowledged the plea of a man in need.  I needed to see some worth and a reason to offer assistance.

Standing there in the wide desert of shopping carts and parked automobiles we remembered previous conversations we had on the subject.  I remembered the times when we tried to help.  I remembered feeling used and guilted.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” I asked

“Yes,” she replied.

Slowly we approached the disheveled man.  Avoiding a typical plea for help [typically composed of a general outline of reasons why our generosity was justified] I started to talk.

I’ve explained the following

  • We are interested in helping
  • We’ve struggled in similar experiences in the past; we felt used, shamed and guilted into actions of charity
  • We were hurt in the process
  • We would like to offer help but we would like to see a desire to change, a desire to make better life for oneself through hard work and determination

I paused, looked around the parking lot and with a wide gesture of my arm outlined a simple request:

“I see garbage and shopping carts,

Would you be interested, and I understand if you are not, but would you mind cleaning up this area?

In return after we come back from our shopping, we will give you $5.

We understand that this is completely your choice and we apologize in advance if this makes you uncomfortable.“

Surprisingly the man was not offended, a smile and an eager expression appeared on this face.  He seemed elated at our proposition.

 

Walking back we both acknowledged that our bodies were experiencing symptoms of trauma.  My feet were shaking, I was short fo breath and had cold fingertips.  I was shocked to what extent the experience compromised my state of balance.

To think that a simple action to request a proof of worth would be internally interpreted as abnormal behavior.  It is frightening to realize that our actions are not our own, that our desire to help and connect through moral principles will be treated as an internal attack.

What does this say about us and about the society that we live in?

 

Staying true to our word we went back.  We spoke to Sammy asking about his life, his struggles and his thoughts on the task that we asked him to perform.

Unfortunately, he didn’t have much to say on the matter and after a few questions, I realized that our mission was not a complete success. I don’t believe that he took the challenge seriously and made little effort in completing his task.  I also realized that there was a language barrier and it is likely that my request did not reach him.

We stayed true to our word and rewarded him with a crisp five dollar note.

Walking back and remembering the experience I recall the shock that my body experienced, I am happy that I had the opportunity to put myself into an uncomfortable situation and come out with a greater understanding of the world and of myself.

 

This is not the end and I look forward to my next opportunity.

Max Titov

Objects and motion

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Isaac Newton’s first law states: Every object in a state of uniform motion tends to remain in that state of motion unless an external force is applied to it.  What if we apply the same principle to our lives and consider January as the external catalyst?

 

Dear reader,

A new year is upon us.  I often pause and reflect on the notable events of the previous 365 days.  I also think about the future and try to set appropriate goals for myself; what we all know as the New Year resolutions.

There’s a vast array of self-improvement goals that I can undertake: everything from standard health based objectives to improvement of daily habits to development of new creative skills.  Considering the future and remembering the past it is far too easy to become overwhelmed and abandon the journey before beginning.

With the help of my friends I came to a simple realization that I would like to share with you.  Consider that the first step in identifying your New Year resolutions should be a commitment to a new schedule.  A method and a vision of how you’re intending to achieve your goals.

An example to illustrate my point

Let’s consider a common proposition that influences a general density count of human specimens in a given athletic facility.  That’s right, the typical new year resolution to get in to better shape.

A common scenario would include: A given individual makes a general statement describing a desire to get fit or be more active.  Words and well wishes are exchanged and then …… well…… the individual returns to the familiar daily hustle and moves aside the previously set forth objectives.

What if instead you commit to a schedule, and in doing so you try to be very specific; think about the components involved in starting your daily routine, consider how your actions will affect the rest of our activities, think it through and make a concrete decisive choice.

For example: I will do some type of physical activity [exercises at the local gym] at least 4 times a week for no less than 30 minutes a day.

Additionally, don’t worry about the entire year.  Consider applying your new found initiative to the first 60 days.  Use plans/calendars/lists/friends/enemies and keep track of your progress.  Be bold and don’t settle for the bare minimum; everyone is capable it’s just the matter of choice and motivation.

 

In principle the notion of change and achievement of greatness must start somewhere.  Don’t worry about the destination, think about the first few steps you’re going to take and continue moving forward.

Wishing you success, inspiration, to become a better version of yourself and an amazing year.

Max Titov

What time is it?

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Ive thought of a riddle, do you care to think of an answer?

The twins are two numbers on the clock,

When the hand forces you to stop,

The digits are a multiple of the two numbers,

What time is it?

Max Titov

The Rush experience

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From the first moment when I was introduced to the band [Rush] [some odd six months ago] most of what I heard involved praises of their lyrics.  In preparation for the live concert that took place earlier today [June 19, 2015] I was instructed to take in a daily dose of what they had to offer.

To be honest: although I enjoy the music I was having a difficult time deciphering the lyrics; each time I pushed the play button the words failed to reach me.

Earlier today I had the opportunity to experience the band live.  I have to say that live; is exactly how Rush should be experienced.

The band trio took on the stage and got straight to business.  The curtains dropped and the music started.  There was no chit-chat, no introductions, no typical “hello Toronto, are you ready?… bla-bla-bla…“. They took the stage and started playing.

As the music boomed, somewhere in the middle of the madness a boisterous man screamed “we are not worthy“, my friend laughed and I thought to myself “that man has a point“.

Ironically, during the concert, the one thing that was supposed to make Rush great [their lyrics] could not reach me. It could have been the volume, the location of our seats or an aged/screechy tone of the singer’s voice; I simply could not fathom what he was trying to convey; his words melded into a set of indistinguishable sounds.

However, I do not believe that this was the point of the experience.  The real magic of Rush lies in their music.  I had the opportunity to experience a 2.5h of straight rock madness.  The drummer, the base player, and the lead guitarist: all delivered a masterful performance.  I fond myself losing track of time and space: in a psychedelic manner I kept returning to reality only to wonder what happened, how did I go from the beginning of the song to the middle, to the end?  I kept loosing myself and the melody, the cycle kept repeating.

For the lack of a better phrase: Rush is a band that delivered.

On my way home I popped in a CD with their music.  Listening to the familiar melodies again something odd happened. The words, the lyrics and the meaning was finally there. What previously seemed like a challenge was no longer a struggle.  Every word, every syllable uttered finally reached me.  It seems, that somehow, my experience at the concert allowed my senses to become attuned to the music.

I finally hear the words. I finally hear the message.  I finally have the opportunity to understand and embrace everything that this band has to offer.

I can’t wait to re-discover Rush all over again.  I can’t wait to listen to their songs, to their music, to he intricate melodies and most of all I can’t wait to listen to the lyrics.

Max Titov

$2

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What is the cost of a happy go lucky feeling at the core of your stomach?

Apparently it’s $2.

I was standing in line waiting to pay for a pouch of peanuts [retail value $0.85]. An elderly woman was standing in front of me. She carefully examined her collection of goodies: a midsize bag of corn and a small pouch of chocolates.

Taking her time she slowly asked about the cost of each item; the clerk informed her of the prices:

Corn: $3.58
Chocolate: $2.00

She paused, contemplated, looked at her tiny wallet, looked back at the clerk and finally [with a sigh] asked to take the chocolates off her bill.

Six months ago I would stand there and do nothing; I would probably be annoyed by the delay and would storm off feeling irritated. Today, I gently tapped her on the shoulder, extended my hand, smiled and offered a toonie.

Dear reader, I am not the type of a person who would naturally come off as a gentle person. I don’t usually exude peace and good will. People would likely mistake me for a serious, quiet, confrontational type. So it could have been possible that the woman would have reacted defensively. But she didn’t. She graciously accepted my gesture with a smile and gratitude.

I hope that this little act of kindness made her day. I hope those chocolates remind her of the kindness of strangers. I hope that you my dear reader consider the possibility of offering a helping hand when an opportunity presents itself.

Cheers

Max Titov

Admiration

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The word admiration is defined as: respect and warm approval; something regarded as impressive or worthy of respect.

I’ve thought about the word earlier this morning and a sudden question burst through the fogginess of my mind: do we have people in our lives that we admire?

I do believe that there’s greatness in the world but do we [as the social collective]  see it?  Do we take the time and say “Well done!“?  Do we acknowledge the idea that people are doing amazing and wonderful things, that the values that we hold in the depths of our harts, the values that we sometimes are too afraid to utter are real, that there are people in the world who live by those values and who make an effort?

I think I do from time to time, and I think that I out to do it more often.

Max