Max Titov

A helping hand? First attempt at something different

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A regular North American Saturday was filled with shopping, the sunshine, coffee and comfort snacks complemented by witty conversations.  We walked down a large parking lot and noticed a man standing with a sign asking for help.  A small rag of paper outlined a brief plea for assistance.

We glanced at each other channeling familiar emotions.  She needed to help, she needed to make a difference: to be the one person in the area who acknowledged the plea of a man in need.  I needed to see some worth and a reason to offer assistance.

Standing there in the wide desert of shopping carts and parked automobiles we remembered previous conversations we had on the subject.  I remembered the times when we tried to help.  I remembered feeling used and guilted.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” I asked

“Yes,” she replied.

Slowly we approached the disheveled man.  Avoiding a typical plea for help [typically composed of a general outline of reasons why our generosity was justified] I started to talk.

I’ve explained the following

  • We are interested in helping
  • We’ve struggled in similar experiences in the past; we felt used, shamed and guilted into actions of charity
  • We were hurt in the process
  • We would like to offer help but we would like to see a desire to change, a desire to make better life for oneself through hard work and determination

I paused, looked around the parking lot and with a wide gesture of my arm outlined a simple request:

“I see garbage and shopping carts,

Would you be interested, and I understand if you are not, but would you mind cleaning up this area?

In return after we come back from our shopping, we will give you $5.

We understand that this is completely your choice and we apologize in advance if this makes you uncomfortable.“

Surprisingly the man was not offended, a smile and an eager expression appeared on this face.  He seemed elated at our proposition.

 

Walking back we both acknowledged that our bodies were experiencing symptoms of trauma.  My feet were shaking, I was short fo breath and had cold fingertips.  I was shocked to what extent the experience compromised my state of balance.

To think that a simple action to request a proof of worth would be internally interpreted as abnormal behavior.  It is frightening to realize that our actions are not our own, that our desire to help and connect through moral principles will be treated as an internal attack.

What does this say about us and about the society that we live in?

 

Staying true to our word we went back.  We spoke to Sammy asking about his life, his struggles and his thoughts on the task that we asked him to perform.

Unfortunately, he didn’t have much to say on the matter and after a few questions, I realized that our mission was not a complete success. I don’t believe that he took the challenge seriously and made little effort in completing his task.  I also realized that there was a language barrier and it is likely that my request did not reach him.

We stayed true to our word and rewarded him with a crisp five dollar note.

Walking back and remembering the experience I recall the shock that my body experienced, I am happy that I had the opportunity to put myself into an uncomfortable situation and come out with a greater understanding of the world and of myself.

 

This is not the end and I look forward to my next opportunity.

Max Titov

Objects and motion

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Isaac Newton’s first law states: Every object in a state of uniform motion tends to remain in that state of motion unless an external force is applied to it.  What if we apply the same principle to our lives and consider January as the external catalyst?

 

Dear reader,

A new year is upon us.  I often pause and reflect on the notable events of the previous 365 days.  I also think about the future and try to set appropriate goals for myself; what we all know as the New Year resolutions.

There’s a vast array of self-improvement goals that I can undertake: everything from standard health based objectives to improvement of daily habits to development of new creative skills.  Considering the future and remembering the past it is far too easy to become overwhelmed and abandon the journey before beginning.

With the help of my friends I came to a simple realization that I would like to share with you.  Consider that the first step in identifying your New Year resolutions should be a commitment to a new schedule.  A method and a vision of how you’re intending to achieve your goals.

An example to illustrate my point

Let’s consider a common proposition that influences a general density count of human specimens in a given athletic facility.  That’s right, the typical new year resolution to get in to better shape.

A common scenario would include: A given individual makes a general statement describing a desire to get fit or be more active.  Words and well wishes are exchanged and then …… well…… the individual returns to the familiar daily hustle and moves aside the previously set forth objectives.

What if instead you commit to a schedule, and in doing so you try to be very specific; think about the components involved in starting your daily routine, consider how your actions will affect the rest of our activities, think it through and make a concrete decisive choice.

For example: I will do some type of physical activity [exercises at the local gym] at least 4 times a week for no less than 30 minutes a day.

Additionally, don’t worry about the entire year.  Consider applying your new found initiative to the first 60 days.  Use plans/calendars/lists/friends/enemies and keep track of your progress.  Be bold and don’t settle for the bare minimum; everyone is capable it’s just the matter of choice and motivation.

 

In principle the notion of change and achievement of greatness must start somewhere.  Don’t worry about the destination, think about the first few steps you’re going to take and continue moving forward.

Wishing you success, inspiration, to become a better version of yourself and an amazing year.

Max Titov

What time is it?

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Ive thought of a riddle, do you care to think of an answer?

The twins are two numbers on the clock,

When the hand forces you to stop,

The digits are a multiple of the two numbers,

What time is it?

Max Titov

The Rush experience

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From the first moment when I was introduced to the band [Rush] [some odd six months ago] most of what I heard involved praises of their lyrics.  In preparation for the live concert that took place earlier today [June 19, 2015] I was instructed to take in a daily dose of what they had to offer.

To be honest: although I enjoy the music I was having a difficult time deciphering the lyrics; each time I pushed the play button the words failed to reach me.

Earlier today I had the opportunity to experience the band live.  I have to say that live; is exactly how Rush should be experienced.

The band trio took on the stage and got straight to business.  The curtains dropped and the music started.  There was no chit-chat, no introductions, no typical “hello Toronto, are you ready?… bla-bla-bla…“. They took the stage and started playing.

As the music boomed, somewhere in the middle of the madness a boisterous man screamed “we are not worthy“, my friend laughed and I thought to myself “that man has a point“.

Ironically, during the concert, the one thing that was supposed to make Rush great [their lyrics] could not reach me. It could have been the volume, the location of our seats or an aged/screechy tone of the singer’s voice; I simply could not fathom what he was trying to convey; his words melded into a set of indistinguishable sounds.

However, I do not believe that this was the point of the experience.  The real magic of Rush lies in their music.  I had the opportunity to experience a 2.5h of straight rock madness.  The drummer, the base player, and the lead guitarist: all delivered a masterful performance.  I fond myself losing track of time and space: in a psychedelic manner I kept returning to reality only to wonder what happened, how did I go from the beginning of the song to the middle, to the end?  I kept loosing myself and the melody, the cycle kept repeating.

For the lack of a better phrase: Rush is a band that delivered.

On my way home I popped in a CD with their music.  Listening to the familiar melodies again something odd happened. The words, the lyrics and the meaning was finally there. What previously seemed like a challenge was no longer a struggle.  Every word, every syllable uttered finally reached me.  It seems, that somehow, my experience at the concert allowed my senses to become attuned to the music.

I finally hear the words. I finally hear the message.  I finally have the opportunity to understand and embrace everything that this band has to offer.

I can’t wait to re-discover Rush all over again.  I can’t wait to listen to their songs, to their music, to he intricate melodies and most of all I can’t wait to listen to the lyrics.

Max Titov

$2

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What is the cost of a happy go lucky feeling at the core of your stomach?

Apparently it’s $2.

I was standing in line waiting to pay for a pouch of peanuts [retail value $0.85]. An elderly woman was standing in front of me. She carefully examined her collection of goodies: a midsize bag of corn and a small pouch of chocolates.

Taking her time she slowly asked about the cost of each item; the clerk informed her of the prices:

Corn: $3.58
Chocolate: $2.00

She paused, contemplated, looked at her tiny wallet, looked back at the clerk and finally [with a sigh] asked to take the chocolates off her bill.

Six months ago I would stand there and do nothing; I would probably be annoyed by the delay and would storm off feeling irritated. Today, I gently tapped her on the shoulder, extended my hand, smiled and offered a toonie.

Dear reader, I am not the type of a person who would naturally come off as a gentle person. I don’t usually exude peace and good will. People would likely mistake me for a serious, quiet, confrontational type. So it could have been possible that the woman would have reacted defensively. But she didn’t. She graciously accepted my gesture with a smile and gratitude.

I hope that this little act of kindness made her day. I hope those chocolates remind her of the kindness of strangers. I hope that you my dear reader consider the possibility of offering a helping hand when an opportunity presents itself.

Cheers

Max Titov

Admiration

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The word admiration is defined as: respect and warm approval; something regarded as impressive or worthy of respect.

I’ve thought about the word earlier this morning and a sudden question burst through the fogginess of my mind: do we have people in our lives that we admire?

I do believe that there’s greatness in the world but do we [as the social collective]  see it?  Do we take the time and say “Well done!“?  Do we acknowledge the idea that people are doing amazing and wonderful things, that the values that we hold in the depths of our harts, the values that we sometimes are too afraid to utter are real, that there are people in the world who live by those values and who make an effort?

I think I do from time to time, and I think that I out to do it more often.

Max

Max Titov

Stand your Ground

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How do you see the world? How does the world see you? Do you know what you’re worth? And are you getting your share of the pie?

Earlier today I partook in an exhilarating experience that tested the entire core of my being. From the moment that I picked up the phone and uttered a typical greeting I knew that the path ahead would be filled with guilt driven propaganda.

The Topic

It was a simple discussion: I wanted a raise in my hourly rate for the services that I`ve been providing.

The players involved in the conversations were: an agent and yours truly

The Preparation

This was not a spontaneous occurrence: this was an orchestrated even that took time, effort and patience to put together.  I’ve spent a month learning, negotiating, reflecting, asking, waiting, rejecting, and demanding fair treatment.

It is not necessary to go in to details.  All you have to know is this: I believe that a man who is responsible for 95% of the effort deserves 95% of the profit.

The Challenge

My dear reader.  My sole intent and purpose for writing this post is to shed light on the ugliness of guilt and shame driven manipulation.  I am not immune to these tactics and it is my hope that if you are reading this you will find some comfort in the knowledge that they can be avoided.  That the plan has a flaw, that in order for the attack to work the victim must believe in his own depravity.

To this I simply urge you, DON’T.  Stay true to yourself and to your goal at hand.  Believe, hold your head high and move forward.

Through out the entire discussion the agent has failed to give me a single solid point of value. There were no facts, no rime or reason, he leveraged his entire opposition on the simple idea that I should feel ashamed for wanting to demand the bread that I have earned.  And here’s how he went about it:

  • This is unreasonable
  • You are unreasonable
  • We are one company, you can’t be thinking of yourself
  • How can you suddenly ask for this?  What changed?
  • This is disrespectful
  • I am shocked
  • You are being unrealistic
  • I can’t make the call, it’s not up to me
  • This will take time
  • You are not being fare
  • I can’t make any promises
  • You are being selfish
  • You are not worth what you’re asking
  • Our company overhead cannot afford your proposal
  • You are replaceable
  • Anyone is replaceable

How to HOLD YOUR GROUND

I won’t lie; it’s not easy; when you know who you are, your worth and that you are fighting a moral principle.  Each and every comment listed above is an insult designed to get you off balance, to pull you in to an emotional turmoil, to bring you to your knees and have you beg for mercy.

I suggest the following strategy.

  • Set a time limit to the call, don`t waste time
  • Don’t bother explaining, stick to your goal
  • Give options and stick to them, don’t stray from the path
  • Let him talk, don’t jump to defend yourself
  • While he is talking jot things down
  • Wait for 5/10/15 seconds, just wait, silence is uncomfortable even for trained negotiators
  • Think, don’t rush, let him sweat, let him explain himself
  • Use the following line: I know what I am worth, and I am sure if you were to put yourself in my shoes you would understand that this is justified
  • Be prepared to walk away

If you believe that the agent/world is going to notice your worth [as you toil away at your post] and treat you fairly, then I urge you to think again. Try speaking to someone retired and ask if they ever received what they were truly worth.  Your rate is a by-product of your self-worth and your willingness to stand your moral ground; demand nothing less and hold true to your believes.

I know, it’s not fair, it’s tough and it is so much easier to fall in line.  But consider what you might be missing!

I will leave you my dear reader with a quote from a movie; I hope this message gives you hope, I hope you have courage and strength to believe in yourself and in your value.  BE FREE!

Fight and you may die. Run and you will live at least awhile. And dying in your bed many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that for one chance, just one chance, to come back here as young men and tell our enemies that they may take our lives but they will never take our freedom!

Max Titov

Behind the veil

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A friend who recently came back for holidays from her work assignment overseas in Kuwait told me an interesting story.

What captured my attention and the purpose for this post is her account of the interactions between men and women, those who are starting on their journey to become lifelong partners.

It is wildly known and observed in North America that Arab culture is built on particular customs.  Just as any other example much of what is not understood in our world is often treated with hostility and anger.

So, my friend told me a story: she told me a story of women who spend their life hidden from the world.  She told me about what happens behind the curtains, in the mind of women that are on the verge of being married to the men that will become their lifelong partners.

My friend made a reference to a simple fact that for the first time in her life a woman would be able to show a man her hair.  That’s right, this simple act, this little insignificant little gesture.

Turns out, it’s not simple at all, it’s not trivial, but rather it is extremely important.  Women spend hours worrying about their hair.  Even men find themselves asking silly questions like: how dos it look, how do you cut it, where do you cut it, and what colour is it?

It’s such a simple thing and at the same time through tradition a moment between a man and a woman seeing each other for the first time is elevated to un-imaginable scales.

The point that I am trying to make here dear reader is simple.  Imagine how much we take for granted, imagine what we’re missing out on.  Understand that our world is filled with wonders and beauty.  Finally, consider that there’s even beauty in the things that we don’t understand.

I invite you to be open, to listen to others, listen to their tales and their stories, connect, rejoice and celebrate life.

Your’s truly,

Max

Max Titov

Kindness: what limits us?

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It’s the holiday season: we open our homes and our hearts to the possibility of making a connection with others.  We look at everything that was accomplished, examine the things that could have been better, unwind and toast to the new beginnings that bound to take shape in the new and upcoming year.

For some surviving the holiday season is not a walk in the park. For those of us who have family, friends, and an endless list of acquaintances the process is a marathon that requires, skill, patience, and determination.

After reading a heartwarming article titled A Self Love Holiday Guide #3 it became evident that another important quality is kindness.

I’ve considered the following question: what gets in a way of being kind?

My question for you dear reader is: is kindness a natural act for you?  Do you have to work at it?  Were you raised to be kind or did you have to learn it?

Reflecting on the last few years I can honestly say that I had a very different view of what kindness was.  I would probably classify the idea with something that would resemble a weakness. Furthermore I would likely struggle with the concept of being consciously kind to others.

For me, what gets in the way is the idea of projecting my own ideas and believes on to others.  So in a way, being kind to another comes as a result of acceptance.  I consider my actions to be generally kind but they are not because I try to win over the affections of another person; I just choose to live my life this way because it’s easier for me.

There’s a general feel in our social environment which suggests that you should be kind to others in order to get something in return.

I invite you dear reader to consider the following: instead of expecting something from others [which will likely happen anyway] consider that by being kind you’re letting go of all the negativity that burden your mind.  Consider the possibility that by being kind you’re freeing yourself from the clutter and overwhelming stress.

I invite you to be kind not for others, but for yourself.

 

Have a wonderful day dear reader,

Max

Max Titov

Personal Mantras

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2015 is approaching fast.  There’s only a few weeks left to finish our goals, wrap our gifts and figure out who we’re going to kiss at the strike of 12.

It’s been another interesting year: filled with growth, inspiration, challenges and triumphs. I’ve learned a lot and through the process I’ve collected a set of mantras that I carry with me on a daily basis; I would like to share those with you, perhaps they too will make a positive difference in your life my dear reader.

“Be the strongest version of yourself”

Although strength is typically associated with physical attributes I’ve expanded this idea to other aspects of my life: be that physical, mental, spiritual, sociological, psychological, professional and even romantic.  Someone asked me recently “what is your goal, your motivation”; being the strongest version of myself would have to be it.

It’s an ongoing process; it’s a journey, a mission, and a lifestyle. Who I am today is not the person I will be tomorrow, or the next day; everything is changing: old ideas are dying, new ones are blooming; I adapt, evolve, and move forward; always progressing in a direction that suits my interests.

The trick is to give it your best and acknowledge the effort throughout the experience.

“Sacrifice the version of yourself today for the one tomorrow”

I often find that this particular mantra helps me through challenging times.  I think the applications are obvious in situations when you want to give up.  However there are also times when we need a break; a rest period to recharge our batteries and reconnect with our inner purpose.  I’ve found that the same idea helps even in those situations; in moments when I feel anxious that I am not performing to my 150%, at the time when the guilt and desire to push forward start thrusting me forward I stop, repeat the phrase and take a step back releasing the tension.

“Find what you love, fill your life with it and remove the components that limit you”

This is a relatively new idea [for me].  It’s a simple yet complicated concept.

The first challenge is to figure out what actually makes you happy, what motivates you, what gives you that spark in your daily routine that puts a smile on your face.  It’s a challenge because we are constantly bombarded with ideas that are supposed to make us happy; how are we to know what really matters?

The second challenge involves removing components that limit our ability to experience happiness.  There are many factors that affect us every day, we’re conditioned to act and behave in certain manners and as a result it is often extremely difficult to break away from those habits, to abandon our assumed comforts, to step away from what we were taught and believe, to decide for ourselves, to stand firm and say “no, that is enough”.

It takes courage, determination and the foresight to embark in to the unknown with hope for the better tomorrow.

 

All these ideas are relatively simple; but simple has nothing to do with a lot of hard work.

Max