A helping hand? First attempt at something different
A regular North American Saturday was filled with shopping, the sunshine, coffee and comfort snacks complemented by witty conversations. We walked down a large parking lot and noticed a man standing with a sign asking for help. A small rag of paper outlined a brief plea for assistance.
We glanced at each other channeling familiar emotions. She needed to help, she needed to make a difference: to be the one person in the area who acknowledged the plea of a man in need. I needed to see some worth and a reason to offer assistance.
Standing there in the wide desert of shopping carts and parked automobiles we remembered previous conversations we had on the subject. I remembered the times when we tried to help. I remembered feeling used and guilted.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” I asked
“Yes,” she replied.
Slowly we approached the disheveled man. Avoiding a typical plea for help [typically composed of a general outline of reasons why our generosity was justified] I started to talk.
I’ve explained the following
- We are interested in helping
- We’ve struggled in similar experiences in the past; we felt used, shamed and guilted into actions of charity
- We were hurt in the process
- We would like to offer help but we would like to see a desire to change, a desire to make better life for oneself through hard work and determination
I paused, looked around the parking lot and with a wide gesture of my arm outlined a simple request:
“I see garbage and shopping carts,
Would you be interested, and I understand if you are not, but would you mind cleaning up this area?
In return after we come back from our shopping, we will give you $5.
We understand that this is completely your choice and we apologize in advance if this makes you uncomfortable.“
Surprisingly the man was not offended, a smile and an eager expression appeared on this face. He seemed elated at our proposition.
Walking back we both acknowledged that our bodies were experiencing symptoms of trauma. My feet were shaking, I was short fo breath and had cold fingertips. I was shocked to what extent the experience compromised my state of balance.
To think that a simple action to request a proof of worth would be internally interpreted as abnormal behavior. It is frightening to realize that our actions are not our own, that our desire to help and connect through moral principles will be treated as an internal attack.
What does this say about us and about the society that we live in?
Staying true to our word we went back. We spoke to Sammy asking about his life, his struggles and his thoughts on the task that we asked him to perform.
Unfortunately, he didn’t have much to say on the matter and after a few questions, I realized that our mission was not a complete success. I don’t believe that he took the challenge seriously and made little effort in completing his task. I also realized that there was a language barrier and it is likely that my request did not reach him.
We stayed true to our word and rewarded him with a crisp five dollar note.
Walking back and remembering the experience I recall the shock that my body experienced, I am happy that I had the opportunity to put myself into an uncomfortable situation and come out with a greater understanding of the world and of myself.
This is not the end and I look forward to my next opportunity.