Max Titov

Be Present

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Growing up and personal growth: these concepts have echoed throughout my life; they still do; many have contributed: my parents, managers, friends and loved ones have all had the opportunity to influence and see me change.  Staying true to who you are, belonging and sharing is not an easy task.  The act of opening up to others will run you the risk of getting knocked around; and as unfortunate as it is, more often than not we’re going to get smacked upside our heads.  Hence, the two main questions that I tend to ask myself are:

  1. Should I stand up and be present?
  2. What do I do afterwards?

The first question is a very simple one to answer but very difficult to implement.  Yes, I choose to stand up and be present: I accept myself for the man that I am. I openly share my ideas, fears and desires without reservations [or at least I try to].

The scenarios can range from: how you feel about your ability at work and what you’re worth; to how you feel about that special someone; to simply standing up and making your way to the dance floor when you feel the rhythm of the beat reach your inner being.

Regardless of the act the risk of rejection is far greater when we confront the situation head on and we’re honest about our intentions. Our prize is the knowledge that at the end of the day we get the chance to walk away with our heads held high.

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” Theodore Roosevelt

Life is a tricky thing: it’s far too easy to sit back, be quiet and let it go by.  I know, the notion is a tad melodramatic and could be considered as impractical: what does it really cost us to be quiet?

Well, it could actually cost us far more than we truly realize!

The second question is far more challenging to answer: the second question involves those with whom we share ourselves:  those who have the ability to accept us for who we are and simultaneously destroy us.

First of all: I would like to say that connections are possible, that there are people who understand, that there are those who will accept our quirkiness and our individuality.  And in the presence of those few it is very important to honor and acknowledge these rare and wonderful moments.  It’s not common, and it’s not a given!

Secondly: it is equally as important to acknowledge that not everyone will get you.  Understanding is not a default; it is not something that is owed; and it is not something that will come easily.  Very often understanding will require work and more likely most won’t bother with the required effort; and that’s ok.

Really it is!

Stating that rejection is “ok” is not a natural response either.  Not for me!  Acceptance requires effort too.  When the dust is settled I often tend to ask myself: is it really worth my time?  And honestly, sometimes it’s not – and although it’s an unfortunate concept most of the time I find peace in the conclusion.  But that doesn’t mean that I stop trying.

There are those that are worth the time, and there are those that will put in the effort, and there are those who will make life that much more interesting.

So don’t fret, be present, and show up!

Cheers,

Max

Max Titov

The Holy Grail of Photography

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What my friends and I call the holy grail of flash photography is actually known as High Speed Synch [HSS].  It’s a technique used to take pictures under very fast shutter speed.  I won’t bother you with the technical details; there are plenty of great tutorials on-line that will explain all the innuendos.  I’ll just say that this has been something that I wanted to do for a very long time [3+ years] and it took a while to get all the little pieces in place [mostly related to me acquiring the right equipment].

Over time my collection of gadgets grew.  Earlier this year I’ve acquired the right set of components that would make HSS a reality; but as it often happens life got busy and my attention was elsewhere.

Three weeks ago I got an idea to photograph some local talent.  My plan included a football superstar, a field, a beautiful rosy horizon [sunset] and an extremely competent photographer [that would be me] = in my mind all of this would have contributed to something resembling a Sports Illustrated cover page.

While prepping for the shoot [which I often do a few days in advance] I came across a tutorial that discussed the benefits of shooting fast moving subject matter utilizing HSS flash.  Suddenly I got very excited: my creative idea just turned in to something more.  I had the opportunity to step outside of my comfort zone, learn a new technique and fulfill my long time photographic goal.

Eating your cake: Preparation, luck and opportunity are often not enough to achieve something great.  As it often happens not everything went according to plan; the weather was not cooperating, it was a cold October evening, getting to the location took extra time and when we finally pulled up to the football field it started to rain.  Yes, things were not looking great at that point but I didn’t give up; I had hope and I wasn’t about to let our spirits dwindle.  So, we took our time, stayed warm, joked and waited.  Before long the weather took a turn for the better, the rain stopped and we stepped on to the football field: me with my sacks of photo equipment and the superstar with his football gear [queue slow motion with epic motivational music].

The progress was slow but gradually we found our rhythm. As the shutter clicked, the flash spilled burst of continuous light on to the scene and as the superstar got more comfortable with me and the camera: magic started to happen.

There’s still room for improvement but the core foundation is there.

Luck is not enough: it takes determination, optimism, a vision and hard work.

Overall I am quite happy with the results.

Until next time.

Max

Max Titov

Empathy is NOT the default setting

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While going through the works of @BreneBrown I was introduced to the idea that empathizing with another person is not the default reaction that most of us have.

This topic is particularly important to me because I’ve been struggling with the definition, understanding and application of empathy in my daily life.  At one point or another I realized and accepted that I didn’t have a natural sense for empathy – I suppose you could say that I never took the time to learn as I was growing up.

In North American culture a typical male is defined by characteristics of a person who struggles with listening, understanding and relating to others; it is common for males to try and solve a problem at hand [in essence killing the conversation and avoiding any type of vulnerability]. It’s a standard defense mechanism.

I was no exception.  That’s how I was raised and that’s how I understood the world.  Great men before me did this and great men after me will do the same.

I don’t know how or when this came to be the case but I’ve always thought a True Man out to embody the following:

  • Strength
  • Control
  • The ability to take on everything that the world threw at you and keep moving forward: quietly, silently, determined, like some kind of a mechanical being

A True Man must not show qualities that are in essence equivalent to those that are found in our female counterparts.  I strongly believe this is the root cause of this whole mess.

Being vulnerable, being open, being connected with others is understood as a weakness.  We cling together, we find comfort in our organized inability to feel or understand and we lash out – we lash out in most terrible ways possible – we lash out because we can’t help it and we don’t know why.  It’s a terrible cycle.

Here’s what gets me.

If we collectively stop for a second and realize that empathy is not the default reaction; that it’s a skill that requires practice, patience and diligence to master; then suddenly I think we will realize that we are going about this all wrong.

What I often hear is “men don’t listen”; that’s right; it’s a shaming response to a particular behavior.  And what do you think happens when men hear this?  Men retreat further in to our default personalities.

Additionally I believe that the concept that men want to be understood is grossly undervalued.  It’s not a one direction highway.

Any human shares a great desire to be understood and accepted for who they are.  It doesn’t matter if you’re a man or a woman.

Taking this as a starting point it only seems natural that the work must come from both ends; both men and women must play an active role in improving our culture. Both genders must accept each other and unshackle themselves from our social bindings.

If we don’t we are destined to remain in the dark.

 

I have hope.

I have hope my dear reader.

I have hope that things are changing, that we’re growing, that we as a human species are slowly getting better at understanding each other.  We’re not there yet but we’re making progress.

I hope, I am right.

 

Till next time,

Max